When is a Cat Not a Cat?

Bartelby, Eater of Souls

When I was a kid my grandparents had a cat that thought it was a raccoon. See, we had this family of raccoons living in our backyard, and they would come to our back door and we would feed them crusts of bread. One would sit on the little shelf outside the kitchen window and [...]

Life As A Human Article: It’s Not Stalking if Everyone’s Doing It

A few weeks ago my sister Melissa and I were on one of our dates. These usually involve beer and bad movies. I don’t mean bad like a John Travolta-produced movie (a little Battlefield Earth, anyone?) I mean the movies you know better than to like, but lovelovelove anyway (which for me includes A Knight’s [...]

To Put A Child In My Belly, Or Not To Put A Child In My Belly

I’ve never wanted kids. When I was one myself, the thought terrified me. My mom (now, Mom, don’t go beating yourself up for some sort of unintentional childhood psychosis you fed. This is meant to be FUNNY) told me that when you were ready Jesus would put a baby in your belly. This horrified me.The [...]

Meet-a Pika

Hey Everyone, guess what I’m doing this week? That’s right. I’m dog sitting. Again. Why is it that everyone, EVERYONE, around me is jetting off to fabulous destinations? Mexico, Spain, Vancouver. And if they think of me at all, is it to invite me along? Because they can’t live without my sparkly, charming wit and…um…charm? NO. [...]

Technology and Crustaceans

I know that my previous success in working for a high tech internet company surprised a lot of people. Namely, anyone who knew me. I was never particularly interested in “computers” or “technology”. I remember when email first hit the scene. I was in high school when people started to get this internet thing at [...]

My Sister’s Pussy

Last weekend I once again found myself caring for someone else’s animal while they went off to do fun things that didn’t include me or their pet. Melissa acquired Griffin when she was in university. She called me up one day (pre email popularity when the fastest way to get hold of someone was to [...]

The Mystery Of The Disappearing Poo

I would like to dedicate this story to my sister, Melissa. Mel, this poo’s for you. A few evenings ago I decide to take Riley and Zera for a walk. It is pissing down rain and getting dark. I’m wearing my rain jacket partially zipped up, with the hood down. This jacket also has big pockets that sort of [...]

Puppy Love

 Many people seem to think I’m not a dog person. This will come out at the strangest of times. Like I’ll be sitting in a conference room at work waiting for the meeting to begin, and randomly someone would turn to me and say You’re not a dog person, are you? Or I’ll be out [...]

Adventures in House Sitting Part 6: The Saga Ends in Trauma

I’m aware that I’m turning into a crazy cat lady. I’ve only been around these two darlings for 11 days and already I talk about them all the time. It’s bad enough when people talk about their babies non-stop, but at least with that I get why. They created the baby from nothing, from food [...]

Adventures in House Sitting Part 5: Of Kitties and Monsters

After many (3) comments on my fierce attack of David, I feel the need to clarify. I was/am not mad. More amused in a loud sighing kind of way. No, if he ever reads this he won’t think I’m a horrible person. Right? Friend? Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming. I’m in a full-on [...]