The Day The Radiator Died

Once upon a time there was a girl* who worked in an office. It was winter, and it was cold. This nameless girl sat with her back a few inches from the radiator. The building was old and poorly insulated. Her office was freezing in the winter. Or would be, if there was no heat.

And guess what?

Sometimes, there was no heat.

You see, one especially cold day in January, the heat broke.

Some men in blue jump suits came to look at it. They had to go below the office to look at the pipes in the basement. They sat down there and smoked, and the smoke came up through the radiator, and choked our unidentified heroine.

The men in the blue jump suits came back into the office and declared the heat fixed and went away.

And the heat did indeed come on. And on and on and on. Full blast. It would not stop. Not even when the suffocating girl turned the thermostat off. The heat still came and came and came until the girl started to feel like an over cooked, chewy pot roast.

The men in the blue jump suits came back, and sat and smoked and choked the girl, and once again declared the heat fixed.

The heat did indeed turn off. And off and off and off. It so enjoyed being off, it refused to turn back on.

Repeat this cycle of either heat on full blast all the time or no heat ever. Repeat it several times. Repeat it until it’s funny. Repeat it until it gets really old, and then keep repeating it until it gets funny again.

Repeat it during a crazy winter of scary climate change weather, and then match up the days of full blast heat with the days of 28°C weather, and the days of no heat with the -20°C  weather.

Repeat it until one day, when the men in blue jump suits declared that it was our thermostat that was broken, and not the actual heat. They gave the girl a brand new thermostat, and walked away, declaring the problem fixed.

It was not fixed.

The girl was back to the heat not coming on at all.

Finally, FINALLY, one of the blue jumpsuits figured out that the new thermostat didn’t work with a steam radiator, and that one would have to be special ordered. It would take weeks. Apparently it is coming from Jupiter.

However, he did install a temporary fix for our poor, totally anonymous friend.

The options are still full blast or nothing, but at least the girl can control it.

The men in blue jump suits haven’t visited for weeks now, and the girl kind of hopes they never come back. They will likely only make things worse.

The end.

* Me.